Thursday, October 29, 2009

One of These Is Not Like The Others - Bean Burritos, Digit Exchanges, Taco Bell

On my way home to Tampa from Miami a couple of weekends ago I stopped at the Taco Bell in Naples for a few quick bean burritos and the subsequent stop at the restroom. Well the burritos went down silky smooth and then I slipped into the bathroom. There's a stall and a urinal and I pick the stall naturally since I'm just that kind of guy (more privacy). A couple seconds after I shut the stall door I hear someone come in and see their black tenny shoes under the stall door. They stand at the urinal for like 8 seconds and then flush and leave. Now mind you I have yet to even get my belt buckle undone so this guy must have been the fastest pisser in the world! So I do my thing and start washing my hands at the sink located within my stall. Then the door opens again and I see the same black pair of tenny shoes under the stall door. As soon as I dry my hands and open the door there stands little Paco the employee or whatever his name is with a folded register receipt extended in his hand to me. At this point I'm thinking to myself "Did I leave my receipt and is it really that important that Paco hunts me down in the bathroom to give it to me!?"

So finally I said to Paco "What's this?" He just hands it to me in complete silence. So I unfold it and he says "That's my phone number." Inside my mind I'm like "Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!" But on the outside I was as cool, calm, and collected as Tiger Woods on the 72nd hole of a major. Believe me you would have been proud of me. So I says to Paco "I'm sorry I'm not interested." He responds in pure disbelief "Why NOT?!!" Now I'm rarely speechless in my life but I was at a loss for this one. Didn't know what to say and was stunned for like a good 10 seconds which is an eternity when you find yourself alone in a Taco Bell bathroom while being the recipient of unwanted advances by a short gay Cuban boy towards you (not that I have anything against the gay community). So eventually after I instinctually quenched my legs together to protect my nutsack I was finally able to mutter "I'm sorry. I'm not like that. I don't live here." I'm not sure why I apologized or why I felt the need to tell him I didn't reside in the city of Nipples... I mean Naples but it just came out. Then I quickly bolted for the bathroom door and then through the main doors of Taco Bell and back into the safety of my car. Whew!!! I think I'll stop at Subway next time when I hit Naples up :-)